is it possible to truly be wrong about some thing, when everything in your heart tells you it's right?
i realized that in the last 5 years i've continually pushed myself to believe in something... many things that weren't true... and now when everything feels in place, feels like its supposed or meant to be... is when i begin to trivialize everything.
i have gotten used to the ground being pulled out from under me.... falling on my face one two many times has left me with more bruises and broken bones than i honestly care to mention... at this point i feel embarassed by the slips and falls i've taken, maybe less than the next, but still i can't help but wonder, when i'm going to fall again?
even the slightest amount of disconnection leaves me discontent, wondering, pondering in the what if's, and not in the nows. i spend so much time flustering, that i drown and flounder in my own fear.
when you're entire life you've been taught to trust logic, trust rationality and not in your intuition... or even worse, in yourself... then what are we.. am i to believe in....? when the foundation laid in front of you is built upon faulty ground.... what is there to truly lean on? what am i to believe? especially when it's one made of your own doing, what do you do? how do we change?
how do i learn to trust the only thing that has always been, and will always be there.... myself?
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