My Reclamation: A Reconciliation for the New Year

Thinking about the past has been my one and only new years resolutions… finding ways to reconnect and reconcile with every piece of myself, has become one of the most taxing experiences of my life. And yet, it is a never ending venture that I have yet to tire from.

Being honest with myself and others, has never been too difficult for me. I’ve rarely been one to experience shame or be unable to reclaim parts of myself some might find devaluing to their character.

And yet, looking back over the past 2 years, I now realize that I had evolved into someone unlike myself. Someone defeated by the experiences that encapsulated my being, my worth…. and this sense of loss inevitably transformed me into something broken.

Now, whether or not others influenced this process, is currently irrelevant. Regardless, of my inability to see past another’s manipulations, I ultimately made the decisions that influenced my life… and allowed others, (as well as myself) to devalue my own worth.

There is no one to blame for this, not now… Not anymore. It is the past. Those were my decisions, and I would not trade them for anything. Regardless of the consequences, I would not be here today if things were different.

Tying up loose ends and cutting away dead weight has made my life enriched and fulfilled in ways that I have yet to fully actualize.... and yet last night forced me reevaluate things.

It reminded me of all the ties I have severed since then. Remains left unkempt without even an acknowledgement to signify its loss. I look back at where I was less than a year ago.. The people I surrounded myself with, and the people that currently remain.

And all I can think of is.... how much I appreciate this newfound silence.

I no longer want the same things I once did... My desire remains with recapturing remnants of my heart, while affirming parts of myself that I didn’t even realize existed.

The stillness and silence that has followed has been humbling.

This time has enabled me to cultivate a true sense of self, of love, and of home.

I am content… and though I don’t have much, I have abundance of everything that I need.