my offering

your name, a question.
the phrase asked a million times
my answer, still always
the same.
a resounding blank
a tremendous blinking
my response heard by only those who can detect whispers
of songs that carry sound waves in your key.

you ask, how i feel... what i mean to say,
as my only reply is this
my offering laid across your table
my olive branch beneath your head

that as much as i've tried to fight
and wrestle this notion of feeling.
i have tripped,
tumbled,
stumbled,
drowned
fallen
into and over all that is
you.

and if by chance i am able to
catch the weight of my fall
i crawl
walk
sway upon the thought of us.

stopping dead in my tracks
by the leveling of your eyes.

i now realize that
your pull has got me stuck
stranded
sated.
got my breasts swelling, my heart melting,
my thighs aching to be spread
apart
upon this alter

if only for an afterthought
and the chance to be with you.

i can't help that
i
love
everything
about
you.

every piece that melds your form
and makes you you
and all the things that i've yet explored
i know i will love too.

for i don't see or feel the sounds
our songs make when you're not near
the colors that only magnify
life when your lying next to me.

apart... i float through time frozen
till you sing in our frequency.
standing still
waiting
hoping
this isn't a half-hearted
pipe dream drowning me in technicolor.

an empty promise
in a pretty box.

i want an ellipsis in this
an unending sequence
a flowing of words
seamless
abundant
filling me to the brim until there is
no you or i
just us.

a question
an answer
as i await your return.

thoughts on the weekend. my proverbial hangover

here's what i've learned.....

any type of candy... chocolate, eye candy, or nose candy is probably not the best idea in copious amounts. anything other than lollipops and dancing is a bit too much for my constitution.

that i can listen to the cure all day every day.... for probably the rest of the fall and it will feel like summer all over again.

that awkward circumstances aren't as uncomfortable as the people that involve them... that i thrive on such interactions... nevertheless, it isn't my job to make the apprehensive come around.

that being there doesn't make me any less available.

that she had a better weekend than i did, and i still don't mind.

that my moods are occasionally cyclical.... going in up, down but the shock of this weekend has put me in an emotional stasis.... one of which i am still waiting to absorb.

that hangovers suck... but nothing some water and rest couldn't cure.

that for as much as i don't mind the lack of definitiveness in my life, i'm starting to dislike and almost detest the gray matter that surrounds it.

that i do miss him.

that i don't miss you.

that i don't know or want to know you anymore.

that i'm beginning to understand you and i like what you mean to me.

that you're the best handler i've ever met and i should have taken you up on your proposition... one for which i will be kicking myself in the ass for a million times over.

that maybe she is right. which makes me wrong.

maybe giving up on it all isn't a bad thing.

and that it's time to grow up.

maybe.