recollections of the fall.

walking from my car to your door in the cool autumn rain, might have been one of the most beautiful experiences i've had in years. that and.. waking up to the warmth of your eyes.

Addendum: Retracting but Not.

I am retracting my statement on potentially considering the notion of cookies and bartending.

and not because it isn't a viable option or that it isn't what i want....

but in actually its not what i need... at least the moment.

i figure that one day i might come to the conclusion to make a promise... an agreement that is lasting, until then i can unfold, float, wait, until it comes to me...

i figure one day i'll find my own bakery and hide there forever.
until then.

http://ri-kon-dahyt.blogspot.com/2009/10/life-recap-what-she-found-out-last.html

thoughts on running towards the sun.

Yesterday, I realized that I never read your words. The liner notes that would have made you the john to my alice. The secrets that could have only been understood had we made each line form a poem. The sequence of letters and numbers that would have made the answer to our equation correct.

Nevertheless, looking at the lines makes me wish I had not finished that line of reasoning.

Using the concepts to connect each smaller piece to a larger thought on a not so blank canvas.

And yet for any understanding or shared connections the affirmatives never made our answer the truth.

and maybe that's not such a bad thing.
maybe it is.

at the end of the day, it doesn't matter much anymore.
all i can do is finish reading and hope i figure it out one day.

with or without us.

the morning after....

after the haze of last night... the morning after is always a contemplative one.... it makes me reflect.... makes me think of the past, the future... and how it all fits....

in the midst of these thoughts someone asked me today what i wanted.... what i've always wanted....

in it's process i couldn't help but think of how i got here... nascent notions, progression, the inherent loss tied to holding on.. and it's perpetual cycle....

the only conclusion i've always come to is, i don't regret any decision i've made up unto this point.....

and yet.... still... at the end of the day i would trade it all for a best friend...

a walk... an extended conversation... an unending dialogue... an ellipsis...

a continuation that didn't lead to empty cul-de-sacs and unsurmountable walls....

maybe she was right, i do hate repeating myself.
maybe he was right... maybe i should make a list.

life recap... what i found out last night? =/

Disclaimer: for Miss. Hillman....

I was reminded again last night of the demise of my last franchise.... I guess empires built on sand don't fare comfortably near sea water (makes mental note)*.

Later on in the day in the process of moving things I was told Betty Crocker lost her show and is now set to 6am non-syndicated public access programing.... that of which is apparently ending, because Los Angeles can't afford public access... the good news was she is still allowed to cakebake on her own time. I guess with this new found unemployment I should look into the service industry...

baking cookies and bartending perhaps? =/

funny how so much can change in an instant.... i guess everything comes out as it should.