Searching.
Knowing that it’s never been the same…
since the first
Time.
The uneven balance of a solid cylinder. It’s beam holding us into place.
Deafening
reverberations piercing the speed of sound… the stillness of his voice.
Blinding
lights refracting the spectrum beneath us.
We float. dancing. drowning into collage of sound.
Its pitch pervading the space between our silence until it held us all together.
Cradling.
Like a choir we whispered in waves.
Undulating up and down as we crept into a crescendo…
swaying as the wave overcame us.
Running.
Into the light. Into our moment.
A promise forever held between us. In that moment of time.
Still Searching.
Always knowing that it will never be the same as then.
And yet beam awaits…
a broken door that is always open,
if only for the reminder of that night,
if only for us as we were then…
for us, as we are now.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Persephone
You were
are the iconic stain in my loins
Proliferating me into presence.
Demeter's progeny
the embodiment being me, and therefore we
are the preface
the rose colored lens
Obscuring my point of view.
Glue smearing, cementing what
He, she could have been
What I now will be.
As if the words have not, cannot, and will not had been forcibly removed from it’s index
and burned from a codex of concepts only to be obstructed
from it's prologue without any addendum.
Into you I turn my limbs into salves
To soothe your battered hands
As you render me into molds
Of alabaster and marble.
The past, a demarcation of a promise
I, a stain in time.
Assilmated into the underworld
Out of your wilted resignation.
Out of a misguided protection.
A self deprecating, slight destruction
Only to have us wonder
Is there all there is?
You were the chisel, the hammer
Creating palaces out of step-stools, foot markers, and placements
Whispering my path into silent ears
Guiding me unto unsteady pedestals
With no foresight or forethought to bare the weight of my fall.
As you carried me with your words,
built burdens of worlds within my womb
I fell,
still fall
Without you to catch me.
are the iconic stain in my loins
Proliferating me into presence.
Demeter's progeny
the embodiment being me, and therefore we
are the preface
the rose colored lens
Obscuring my point of view.
Glue smearing, cementing what
He, she could have been
What I now will be.
As if the words have not, cannot, and will not had been forcibly removed from it’s index
and burned from a codex of concepts only to be obstructed
from it's prologue without any addendum.
Into you I turn my limbs into salves
To soothe your battered hands
As you render me into molds
Of alabaster and marble.
The past, a demarcation of a promise
I, a stain in time.
Assilmated into the underworld
Out of your wilted resignation.
Out of a misguided protection.
A self deprecating, slight destruction
Only to have us wonder
Is there all there is?
You were the chisel, the hammer
Creating palaces out of step-stools, foot markers, and placements
Whispering my path into silent ears
Guiding me unto unsteady pedestals
With no foresight or forethought to bare the weight of my fall.
As you carried me with your words,
built burdens of worlds within my womb
I fell,
still fall
Without you to catch me.
Monday, September 21, 2009
capsizing.
warm wishes, swimming on the dance floor, late night after after parties, mid-morning preludes to a comforting kiss... loving the afternoon away, missed sound baths, star gazing, and an even later late nite dinner... not to mention the delicious bruises all over me. i think i just might be in it. i guess being blind-sided is never a bad thing, especially in the morning.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
thoughts on life, love, food and sex in the forrest.
I’ve been asked on numerous occasions what happened to me over the last two weekends. Well, I initially intended on going to the Bay but happened to have my car breakdown while visiting friends… and was stuck in one of the nicest places in Northern Cali…. Big Sur.
It seemed as if every time I tried to leave something would happen… my car would subsequently breakdown… and even after i fixed it my car would somehow find a way to breakdown again.. that or something crazy would happen. It was as if some force wanted me to stay there... and figure out why I was there... or at least force me to enjoy my extended vacation.
So instead of having to hear someone remind me of the fact that there are worse places in the world to get stuck, I started to make a list of what I genuinely enjoyed about the people and this place that I would inevitability spend my time.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Adding an extra couple hours to my drive on the 1 and bypassing the 101 altogether was worth it. Worth it in ways than any words could truly express. Unfortunately we usually tend to feel constrained by time. And yet, as each mile passed I began realize how time became somewhat insignificant…. and all I could feel was a teather pulling me into some unknown future.... to a place where I began to wish time never existed at all.
2. The road, as the well as the environment can be somewhat unforgiving. In many ways, it will never have the sunny disposition of LA, but it has something different. Though changes in the temperature fluctuate rather frequently, it’s richness is felt in the silence and sound of everything around you. Life is abundant there…. It’s the only place I’ve been where butterflies and blue jays kick comfortably kicked it on my shoulder… It’s different and yet quite humbling.
3. The air is clean. You can drink water from a hose outside and it’s still significantly cleaner than any water you will find down here… it took me days to wrap my head around the idea that I was breathing clean air…. no fucking joke.
4. The food is so much better. Consistently better. So good, that I had to remind myself not to spontaneously implode in my chair every time I ate something.
5. Most of the people there are genuinely helpful and nice. No pretense….. It’s quite refreshing.
6. Even if they don’t get you, people just sort of inherently accept you for who you are….. Also quite refreshing.
7. Sex is a very attainable option. What I mean by this is… it can be quite incestuous in an open way. I think people out in LA like to play on the DL or are reluctant to kiss and tell. I think this is mainly because we think being open about their sexual history will keep others from pursuing relationships with us.
And yet, no one seems to care out there…or if they do, no one cares enough to make a fuss… I think in many ways I have to respect any group of people who can comfortably talk about what they did the night before without reservation. It sort of leaves me with only two options…
8. As a subset of 7, because of this realization... I'm starting to enjoy the notion of celibacy… or at least the option on my terms. Somehow all of that openness sort of makes my want to see how long I can hold out…. And I think if I lived there abstaining could become a very comfortable lifestyle…. Strange that I would even consider it an option… backwards i know... but since I’ve left there it has.
9. Boys (and girls) there have mad swag. It’s something about their ability to be genuine individuals that makes them that much sexier… and I can’t lie… for as small as Big Sur is, there is a dense population of exceptionally attractive males….. Which makes it even more enticing to look at celibacy as an option.
10. If you’re a musician, or a habitual weed smoking artisan who needs some perspective, this is definitely a place to go… better yet… if you’re a writer who happens to be a habitual weed smoking, drinking, mushroom eating musician who needs some inspiration or perspective this a place to consider spending a week or two.
11. I guess the last thing I can mention (not accounting for all of the beauty) is what Big Sur does to me. LA has (for all of it’s good) in many ways consumed me. I seem to notice that my emotional walls have become more fortified the longer I stay here. People seem apprehensive to experience genuine interaction and when they do it’s a bit unnerving to them.
I definitely noticed it in Big Sur, but not to the same degree. Regardless of any initial hesitation people were willing to explore the possibly of connection. And in many ways this place does that to you. It pulls the walls down and forces you to examine yourself and the world around you.
And for as potentially painful as that can be... in many ways it’s quite liberating.
Despite all of the headache and heartache I experienced I had a great time.... Jam sessions, hikes, copious alcohol & hallucenigenic consumption, with a existential breakdown to boot... all in all.... I can't complain. at least not anymore.
It seemed as if every time I tried to leave something would happen… my car would subsequently breakdown… and even after i fixed it my car would somehow find a way to breakdown again.. that or something crazy would happen. It was as if some force wanted me to stay there... and figure out why I was there... or at least force me to enjoy my extended vacation.
So instead of having to hear someone remind me of the fact that there are worse places in the world to get stuck, I started to make a list of what I genuinely enjoyed about the people and this place that I would inevitability spend my time.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Adding an extra couple hours to my drive on the 1 and bypassing the 101 altogether was worth it. Worth it in ways than any words could truly express. Unfortunately we usually tend to feel constrained by time. And yet, as each mile passed I began realize how time became somewhat insignificant…. and all I could feel was a teather pulling me into some unknown future.... to a place where I began to wish time never existed at all.
2. The road, as the well as the environment can be somewhat unforgiving. In many ways, it will never have the sunny disposition of LA, but it has something different. Though changes in the temperature fluctuate rather frequently, it’s richness is felt in the silence and sound of everything around you. Life is abundant there…. It’s the only place I’ve been where butterflies and blue jays kick comfortably kicked it on my shoulder… It’s different and yet quite humbling.
3. The air is clean. You can drink water from a hose outside and it’s still significantly cleaner than any water you will find down here… it took me days to wrap my head around the idea that I was breathing clean air…. no fucking joke.
4. The food is so much better. Consistently better. So good, that I had to remind myself not to spontaneously implode in my chair every time I ate something.
5. Most of the people there are genuinely helpful and nice. No pretense….. It’s quite refreshing.
6. Even if they don’t get you, people just sort of inherently accept you for who you are….. Also quite refreshing.
7. Sex is a very attainable option. What I mean by this is… it can be quite incestuous in an open way. I think people out in LA like to play on the DL or are reluctant to kiss and tell. I think this is mainly because we think being open about their sexual history will keep others from pursuing relationships with us.
And yet, no one seems to care out there…or if they do, no one cares enough to make a fuss… I think in many ways I have to respect any group of people who can comfortably talk about what they did the night before without reservation. It sort of leaves me with only two options…
8. As a subset of 7, because of this realization... I'm starting to enjoy the notion of celibacy… or at least the option on my terms. Somehow all of that openness sort of makes my want to see how long I can hold out…. And I think if I lived there abstaining could become a very comfortable lifestyle…. Strange that I would even consider it an option… backwards i know... but since I’ve left there it has.
9. Boys (and girls) there have mad swag. It’s something about their ability to be genuine individuals that makes them that much sexier… and I can’t lie… for as small as Big Sur is, there is a dense population of exceptionally attractive males….. Which makes it even more enticing to look at celibacy as an option.
10. If you’re a musician, or a habitual weed smoking artisan who needs some perspective, this is definitely a place to go… better yet… if you’re a writer who happens to be a habitual weed smoking, drinking, mushroom eating musician who needs some inspiration or perspective this a place to consider spending a week or two.
11. I guess the last thing I can mention (not accounting for all of the beauty) is what Big Sur does to me. LA has (for all of it’s good) in many ways consumed me. I seem to notice that my emotional walls have become more fortified the longer I stay here. People seem apprehensive to experience genuine interaction and when they do it’s a bit unnerving to them.
I definitely noticed it in Big Sur, but not to the same degree. Regardless of any initial hesitation people were willing to explore the possibly of connection. And in many ways this place does that to you. It pulls the walls down and forces you to examine yourself and the world around you.
And for as potentially painful as that can be... in many ways it’s quite liberating.
Despite all of the headache and heartache I experienced I had a great time.... Jam sessions, hikes, copious alcohol & hallucenigenic consumption, with a existential breakdown to boot... all in all.... I can't complain. at least not anymore.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Rekindling an Old Love and Reflections on Swag.
Went to El Flordita last night. Came to the realization that salsa is an exaggerated form of pea cocking. Add a dash of bravado, pretense, and a splash of sex and you’ve got yourself a good time.
Last night I learned a couple of things:
1. Dancing is much better than sex… most of the time.
2. You can try multiple partners within the span of an hour….
3 You can walk away mid song if your unsatisfied, and it’s rare that I ever have a bad time.
Nevertheless, I’ve also realized that dancing partners are like relationships... most are fun, but it’s rare to find someone you actually click with… or maybe it’s just that I have yet to find a partner who can keep up with and handle me… or connect in all the right ways that the dance becomes symbiotic.
A lyrical flow that enables me to speed up and slow down in an almost perfect way. A way that puts me in a groove…. so that I not only lose myself in the song, but the person I’m dancing with.
I spend so much time dancing that I forget that I am actually dancing with someone.
It’s rare that I’ve had a partner with genuine swag who could really put it on me… so to speak…. But I figure one of these days someone’s going to come along and floor me.
Till then….
Last night I learned a couple of things:
1. Dancing is much better than sex… most of the time.
2. You can try multiple partners within the span of an hour….
3 You can walk away mid song if your unsatisfied, and it’s rare that I ever have a bad time.
Nevertheless, I’ve also realized that dancing partners are like relationships... most are fun, but it’s rare to find someone you actually click with… or maybe it’s just that I have yet to find a partner who can keep up with and handle me… or connect in all the right ways that the dance becomes symbiotic.
A lyrical flow that enables me to speed up and slow down in an almost perfect way. A way that puts me in a groove…. so that I not only lose myself in the song, but the person I’m dancing with.
I spend so much time dancing that I forget that I am actually dancing with someone.
It’s rare that I’ve had a partner with genuine swag who could really put it on me… so to speak…. But I figure one of these days someone’s going to come along and floor me.
Till then….
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Dear Sir.
May I Just Say... that you seriously might just be prettiest thing i have ever seen.
melting could be a side-effect of the visual, psychological, emotional coalescing that's commencing in my head at this very moment. all i can do is stare and wait. wait for a response. wait for you to talk to me.
patience is definitely an acquired taste, one i would graciously ingest to consume you once again.
sincerely,
.
melting could be a side-effect of the visual, psychological, emotional coalescing that's commencing in my head at this very moment. all i can do is stare and wait. wait for a response. wait for you to talk to me.
patience is definitely an acquired taste, one i would graciously ingest to consume you once again.
sincerely,
.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
