Conversations about Consideration

I had a discussion today about the concept of consideration. Consideration is usually something I do with willful deliberation. I have always been one to consider another person’s feelings above my own. And though, there will be times, where I am not always aware of how my actions effect others, I try to make a considerable effort to attend to their feelings.

But the conversation made me wonder…. how much of that actually gets reciprocated?

And why is it that I am so unaware of how inconsiderate others can be to me?

I hate to be someone who values receiving what you put out in the world, considering that (to me) it lessens the notion of altruism.

Normally I don’t equate how much I receive from others as a measuring stick, but today someone pointed out that I don’t (if rarely) always receive my fair share…. That I usually put out more, and share more of myself than the next... that by the time I have exhausted my ability to give, I have none left for myself or others who truly deserve it.

Similar discussions always remind me of a previous conversation I once had… About 3 years ago I was talking to a partner after a serious breakup of 4 ½ years. At that point in our relationship, the overwhelming stress had pushed me close to a physical and psychological breakdown.

In midst of the argument I had asked him had he once (in the course of our relationship), really asked himself what was truly best for me? Had he asked himself what would put me more at ease, make me more fulfilled? What would make me happy? And if so, how could he be apart of that process?

He sat quietly, suddenly began to sob and replied ‘no’.

The questions, and his response, in many ways typify many of the relationships I have experienced throughout my life. Having to be responsible for my happiness and the happiness of those around me is inherent in my disposition.

But its difficult when one is constantly bombarded with individuals unwilling or incapable of doing giving the same.

So this left me thinking, is there ever truly such a thing as reciprocity? Does someone ever truly receive what they so willingly give (of themselves)?