I saw you in my dreams last night. which is quite strange, because it's such a rarity to dream... dream of others, dream of you. I find it disheartening that the notion of me aware... aware of you, will never suffice. that you linger… and weave within the most diminutive places… settle within warm spaces... permeating throughout my narrow consciousness.
it's unsettling that you are inescapable. that you will always be there. that as I write these words... I miss you... miss you more than my heart reasonably should... that I miss the warmth you gave me, that the memory of you still gives me while you’re away. in a cold that continually persists, you fill that space with light. that as I write this, I can read you in my words, in the songs that I hear, in the greatness of all that I see. in the pauses and long silences that break between each blink and every breath. and though there were others more significant in this delusion, I could see you.. remember you... my impression... in the periphery, lingering into view.
a 5 second memory etched in my mind, scarred in my heart. longing to recapture the warm summer past in my current cool spring. That’s what you mean to me.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Return to Sender
I asked, thinking I would get a different answer.
Different from all the others.
Thinking this time it was different.
I’m not one much for asking… or taking… especially when it’s the only thing I need.
In all honesty it was more like a wish.
The one thing I could only ask for, and give entirely in return.
For, I’ve never been one to hold on to much I could see, but feel. Measurements have never been my forte.
Increments don’t descend into inches in this vacuum, but more like miles stretched within an infinite space.
My placeholders are transparent, my gifts intangible.
It’s the only thing I know how to give:
my return to sender.
I wonder what this means?
Maybe it’s not something that’s meant to be given away.
Maybe it’s something meant to be shared in glimpses.
Bits and pieces,
but never an entire
whole.
Maybe it’s never been mine to share,
whether that be out of self-preservation,
or selfishness,
or because no one could ever truly give such a gift
and actually receive an equal return.
Maybe it’s time to give up that foolish notion…
time to finally bury my trinkets and placeholders…
time grow up a little more.
Burn the letters.
Better that than the alternative.
Different from all the others.
Thinking this time it was different.
I’m not one much for asking… or taking… especially when it’s the only thing I need.
In all honesty it was more like a wish.
The one thing I could only ask for, and give entirely in return.
For, I’ve never been one to hold on to much I could see, but feel. Measurements have never been my forte.
Increments don’t descend into inches in this vacuum, but more like miles stretched within an infinite space.
My placeholders are transparent, my gifts intangible.
It’s the only thing I know how to give:
my return to sender.
I wonder what this means?
Maybe it’s not something that’s meant to be given away.
Maybe it’s something meant to be shared in glimpses.
Bits and pieces,
but never an entire
whole.
Maybe it’s never been mine to share,
whether that be out of self-preservation,
or selfishness,
or because no one could ever truly give such a gift
and actually receive an equal return.
Maybe it’s time to give up that foolish notion…
time to finally bury my trinkets and placeholders…
time grow up a little more.
Burn the letters.
Better that than the alternative.
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