traversing: back

its been over a year. or at least it feels like it has.

and i realize that once in awhile you become a passing thought. or notion.. if only for a brief second. maybe to say hello in my mind... maybe because it's the only form of acknowledgment i want to return. something only to myself. something that can never be shared with you.

not that i'm not inclined to share right now.... or anytime for that matter. i've never been one to hide much. but i've come to realization that i like not talking to you. hearing you voice calmly resonating before the dial-tone. i don't feel at a loss that i don't have your presence to lean on. and it's not because i built new bridges. or solidified old ones.

i just can't recall why i'd want rebuild any bridge someone maliciously burned, regardless of intentions.

there are many forms of forgiveness that i have given in my time. and relinquishing my disappointment with where we now are is more than forgiveness enough.

i don't need any semblance of what we had. i don't know if i ever will.
though my door is always open if you so choose.
know that i don't miss you.

word of the day: obscurantism

obscurantism
1. Opposition to the spread of knowledge.
2. Being deliberately vague or obscure;

ETYMOLOGY:
From Latin obscurare (to make dark)
wsmith@wordsmith.org

My thoughts: interesting word at the moment. at least for me.

It makes me think of intimacy. The notion of giving oneself without exception, and if that is truly possible...? It also makes me wonder if it is possible to truly term things in absolutes. To say one is all light, all giving, all of something... then withholding, dark, and the like within another context... makes me question the notion of giving, of initmacy.... of my own level of understanding.

Can one truly acquiesce and give of themselves wholeheartedly while still denying other parts of themselves to others? Or is both possible?

food for thought.....

name (:to my everything)

this
thought.
a shadow that connects the primordial orders of my working memory.

made me perceive
past
connections.
made me
believe
I under-
stood.
where i moving
where i was standing.
where i was.
till there was
this.

still
there was
un-knowing.
which transformed into seeing
seeing into
believing.
believing into actualizations of epiphanies colored in song.
visionary dances in deafening delights.
sounds blinded in silence.
in darkness.
in
this.

this.
the representation of definition is where it resides.
this.
is deification conjured by the current of creation
by the chaos of calm
by the mere thought of it.
of
this.

words
give passion, desire, and love no real meaning.
hold no measure or weight to what this feeling encapsulates.
in it.
in
this.

this.
is the reason sounds ascended into words
words evolved into
meaning
meaning formed into the
defined.
the reason Webster’s needed a book of reference to capture our collective frame of mind.

this.
each letter,
sy-lla-bles
formed by the need for articulation
for the need beyond all
need
formed my dreams into a wish list and conjured
this
into
Existence.

into being
into my thoughts.
my limbs.
my loins.
my heart.

this.

my dictionary.
my reason for rewriting all notions.
previous perceptions of emotions.
all feelings shaded by thoughts of under
standing.

this.

at the end of all reason
lies this.
in this.
of this.
in this.
and this
is.

you.