nevertheless. my response to you.

I am okay.
Maybe not as okay as I’d like to be…. But nevertheless okay.
I move at various paces. Sometimes fast, occasionally slow, but nevertheless I move.
I muster the space to move regardless of my sadness. But that does not diminish my sense of loss.
I have nothing to prove, to you or to anyone. And nevertheless I feel as if unless I lose my shit, break down in the middle of the dance floor.. I’m perceived as some heartless individual or genuinely cared less.
No.
No.
No.
I break on my off time. I break at work. I break at various points throughout the day.
I break in the silence spaces interspersed with bouts of confusion and if I’m lucky a moment of laughter.
Just because your overtness is more apparent does not diminish any lack of loss on my end. Above all I find it quite fascinating that you don’t seem to understand my behavior given the fact you do many of the same things i do, except you're much better at playing composed than i ever will be.
But it is not me fighting with myself.
It is not me mending and breaking, structuring and refracturing my mind to get a better understanding of where I am.
I have made peace with where I am now, and where I will choose to be.
I loved this. I gave into all of this. And out of respect for your wishes… for us, I’ve left this alone. I let this go.

Nevertheless if you wanted to see how much of an array I truly am in you can always ask.

If you truly wanted to understand my sense of loss you could always ask….
Truly ask… how are you?