Getting There.

it's strange. I had a talk with someone today about perspective, life, happiness.

Standard procedure response, when someone asks where I am…. I say that I'm 'getting there'.

In all honesty isn't wasn't a lie. It wasn't entirely the truth. But it was accurate statement.

Somewhat true because for a second there I felt as if I had fallen... to lose the ground right up from under you can be life altering.

In this case it wasn't.

Maybe it's because I've been hurt and disappointed way too many times to allow myself to get there... or maybe it's too soon and I'm still searching, differentiating the idea between myself and others. But looking back something already in me senses that it won't be.

The thing is... taking two steps backward has inevitably allowed me to reconnect with myself and progress forward…. Because of this I can breathe. Really breathe... I can hear my own breath, and for as insane as things are around me it's a constant solace.

I think when I initially said that I was getting there, I meant it in a very different context. I felt shaken, close to being shattered, momentarily broken, but still intact. whatever breaks I may have incurred over the years only tore small pieces generating scar tissue… But that space allowed me to stretch, and grow... test my boundaries while expanding a stronger sense of self.

These past weeks have been no different.

and while I can honestly look back, retrace my steps, wonder about the potentials or the what if's... I know that I have always been honest, dedicated, and loyal throughout this entire process, regardless of outside perspective. And at the end of the day there's nothing I could have done to change my outcome or other individual's indignation towards me.

Because of this, the notion of 'getting there' has taken on an entirely new meaning.

I will always be moving, floating or at rest, but progressing into myself...

I am good.

And when I said it today, everything fell silent.

I could have picked apart a million things, went to so many different places, but when I thought about the question... I could only hear one answer.

And maybe that will fluctuate... I'm still feeling my way through this... alone, searching for something through this proverbial darkness... But in the darkness something has irrevocably shifted in me.

I feel the warmth of something beyond myself, beckoning me into a new beginning, leading me into an unknown future… and for as daunting as that notion may seen… I can't but move, float, run, climb into the warmth. Out of the darkness, and into the light.