knowing

is knowing a good thing? is ignorance bliss?

i guess it all depends on the way its presented.

knowing that you are not as happy as before, is not an easy feeling. being unable to make you smile the way i use to isn't comforting.

knowing that i'm enough, but the possibility that you might desire more is unsettling.

then again, i can only work within the confines of what makes me me.

and though i might appear shortsighted and rigid, please believe me when i say that it stretches.

and that extension of me is limitless. growing and traversing beyond the boarders that might try to contain it.

and though i might appear ill at ease. listless. needy and frustrated.
please understand that this is not a fixed state.
and for as taxing as it may be, i'm not the only one who has lead us here.

then again, i can't say that i don't have baggage. the kind of proverbial weight that breaks bones on the backs of strong men. i can't say that i'm not bruised beyond all recognition.

and for this i am sorry.

sorry more than you will ever know.

sorry that i don't see things the way that you do. that i am unable to hold my thoughts or tongue at bay. sorry that i push more than i really need to.

but it's who i am. who i might always be.
and regardless of how it causes us both pain, there is some good in this. in who i am.

in who you are.
in knowing this.

i just hope you know that.